Testimony

      I became Christian on September 20th, 2005. As I am called to share my faith I think it is appropriate to write a testimony and make this available.
      I have been interested in Christianity and religion in general for most of my life. From the age of five or six I was brought up to believe in the Bible as historical truth. My family attended church for a short while, but for most of my childhood we did not. By high school I had been influenced by world literature and philosophy and although I would admit there was a God I had trouble making sense of Christianity.
      At the end of high school I felt very oppressed by the supposed plan the world seemed to have for me, that is going to college and then making money. It seemed very sterile. I did go to university, but was rather depressed for my first year. At one point I felt that for life to have purpose I must do something evil. This experience convinced me that evil was real and that the Christianity of my youth was in fact true. I decided to rededicate myself to Christ.
      That summer I began to read the Bible. The next year I joined a Christian fellowship at university. As I read the old testament, however, I found parts of it very hard to believe and I did not find any real fulfillment coming from my faith. I gradually stopped reading the Bible and doing Christian things. I became interested in Eastern religions such as Zen Buddhism and in Jungian psychology. I found these ideas more stimulating and mysterious than Christianity.
      I perhaps would still call myself a Christian, but I didn't practice it or give it much thought. It was a very gradual change, but after a few years I knew I wasn't really Christian. In this course of time I had graduated from university and moved back to Denver where I was raised.
      At that time I was living with a friend of mine, who had been brought up in a Christian home and had been converted in the last couple of years. I began to go to Bible studies with him and sometimes read the Bible. One night or early morning while I was considering these things I accepted that Jesus was a real man who truly and purely loved the world. This felt good, because I had begun to see that most people love only themselves and I felt very rejected by this.
      I once again had a conversion experience and believed in the historical truth of Christianity. I began to go to church and read the Bible. However once again in a short while I found that my faith was not fulfillings and very hard to believe. Every night going to sleep I would ask myself, "Do I really believe this?" And one night I answered, "No, I don't."
      To explain this now I would quote scripture where Jesus says, "As for what was sown on rocky ground, this is the one who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy; yet such a person has no root, but endures only for a while, and when trouble or persecution arises on account of the word, the person immediately falls away."(NRSV)
      Having rejected Christianity, I became hostile to it. At one point I said something to the effect that Christianity was the greatest waste of time and money that men had conceived. I decided that I was an atheist, that there was nothing in existence but matter and that when we die we cease to exist. I had never so explicitly professed atheism before in my life.
      I didn’t have much direction and decided to go to graduate school in Seattle. I enjoyed the classes and began to be comfortable with my atheism.
      Since being in Seattle I have taken advantage of my time off to visit friends in California. During one of these trips I had a conversation with a friend who believes in spiritual existence but is not Christian. Reflecting on this conversation I had the following thought: If materialism is true, that is there is nothing but matter, then surely there was a time before there was any consciousness in the universe. But what, I asked myself, distinguishes an existing universe with no consciousness from the same universe not existing. This convinced me that it is meaningless to talk of existence without consciousness and thus all matter must have its source in a consciousness, in a god.
      Around the same time I had another conversation with another non-Christian in which he told me that he was beginning to take the idea of objective morality seriously. This made a lot of sense. It is clear when you consider morality that although it may be hard to decide at times, there is an objective component to it.
      Now I believed in a god and in objective morality, but I didn’t know if anyone understood either one. I still had many questions that made Christianity seem implausible. The main ones were as follows:

1. If God commands men to do good and not murder, why does He seem to do evil and kill men with things like tsunamis?

2. It was clear to me that if God in fact is, then He is sovereign, that is he controls everything. Then I wondered if God wishes good to be done why does he cause men to choose evil?

3. It did not really seem to me that sin necessitated punishment, but rather could just be forgiven. Thus it did not make sense that Jesus must suffer for the world’s sins.

      I decided to give Christianity the benefit of the doubt and let it make its case. I came to some answers to the above that seemed consistent with a Christian worldview. Here is a brief and incomplete synopsis:

1.   God is the judge of men; thus He has more authority over them than they have over each other. If the state executes a murderer that is permitted, but if I take vengeance on someone who has killed my friend that is not.

2.   Every evil that a man does is done by the man and by God, but the man does it for evil purposes while God does it for good. God works more good from the evil. I believe the main good that is worked is the redemption of believers, as Paul writes, “what if he has done so in order to make known the riches of his glory for the objects of mercy.”(NRSV) I had already accepted that men have no excuse since they themselves have chosen the evil.

3.   The only solution I found to this was from C.S. Lewis who points out that evil must be shown to be wrong. The wicked man cannot go for all eternity without being made aware that what he does is wrong. I do not believe this completely satisfied me.

      Still, after having been back and forth so many times I did not want to say I was Christian without being truly convinced. I did some reading about the historical evidence for Jesus and for the resurrection and about the lack of evidence for evolution. I slowly came to believe again that Christianity was probably true. However this did not really affect what I did or said.
       My Christian friend who I had been living with in Denver had told me that I must repent. I knew I had not done this. I gave the matter some thought and admitted that I had done some things that were wrong and had made immoral decisions, but this did not change my life either.
      After giving my questions about God a lot of thought I wrote a philosophical paper that attempted to show from first principles the impossibility of materialism and then to give a defense of the consistency of theism. However I still did not understand redemption or punishment.
      Around this time I took another trip to California. These trips are a good time for reflection since they are a break from routine and I usually have many stimulating interactions. One day in Palo Alto I was reflecting and began to thank God for all He had given me: my life, my health, my mind, my friends, et cetera. Either the next day or shortly afterwards I was driving from the bay area to Los Angeles. On the way I listened to some sermons another Christian friend had given me.
      While driving and reflecting I decided to consider honestly the argument I had heard before. If there is a God who has given me everything, I am His creature and owe Him devotion and allegiance. I knew that I had never done anything for God, but everything for myself. I had always considered myself to be the point of my existence, but I saw now that the point of everything is God. Suddenly repentance made sense and I looked for a way to do it. Finally I said to the sky more than anything else, as representing God, "I'm sorry."
      And now I saw how insufficient my repentance was to excuse me. All I could do was dedicate myself to follow God for the rest of my existence, but this would not justify me for my past living for myself. For a little while I was bewildered and oppressed, aware that I was liable to judgment.
      Then I remembered, as though I had forgotten, the gospel, which is that Jesus of Nazareth lived a sinless life, died as a sacrifice for the sins of men and suffered in their place, so that whoever receives Him can in turn be received by the Father. This made me very joyous and relieved. I received Jesus' death as covering my sins and I believe I wept.
      Since then I feel that I have had more of a heart and have been more accepting of myself and others, since I know we are loved by God. Also I have had more love for animals and have been able to appreciate creation in a way I was not able to before as a reflection of the glory of God.
      However, I do not think that a person should adhere to Christianity at root for such perceived benefits, rather because it is demonstrably true and, as it says in Ecclesiastes, "the whole duty of everyone" is to "fear God, and keep his commandments."(NSRV)
      I know there are parts of the Bible which are difficult to believe. However there are many convincing arguments for the existence of God. Thomas Aquinas famously gave five, which I understand in summary as follows:

1.   Anything that moves must in essence be moved by another. Thus, to avoid infinite regress, there must be a so-called unmoved mover.

2.   Every effect which we observe in the universe has an efficient cause prior in time. Now if there is no cause there is no effect. So if there is no first cause to the universe there will be no following effects.

3.   Everything we observe existing is in theory capable either of existing or not existing. However if there was nothing which must necessarily exist, nothing would exist. Thus there is something which exists necessarily and this is God.

4.   We have a conception of perfect goodness and of other perfections. Unless there was something which actually attained these perfections we would not have this conception.

5.   The universe is governed by consistent laws in a way beneficial to life. There must be an intelligent cause to these laws.

      These arguments have varying degrees of merit, but taken together they make a good case. Ultimately though, I believe that honestly considering the majesty of the universe and the fact that it does follow consistent laws making life possible is enough evidence that it is not random, but has a creator.
      If then God does exist, it will be found that all people on Earth today are guilty before Him. If there is no redeemer we are without hope. However there is ample evidence in the new testament and other writings of the time that in fact there was a redeemer: Jesus of Nazareth.
      This man, the anointed of God, claimed that he was of the same essence as God and that the Jewish scripture was the inspired word of God. Thus it follows that the old testament is true, that God made from one man all the people of the world.
      I would ask you to consider these things. I myself am evidence that "search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you."(NRSV)
      As Jesus said, "Repent for the kingdom of heaven has come near."(NRSV)
      "See, the Lord's hand is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear. Rather your iniquities have been barriers between you and your God."(NRSV)

      If you have any questions, please contact me or another Christian.
God bless,
      Travis Kopp